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It Spoke With Authority/Script
In Dr. Cockroach's lab (Dr. Cockroach was humming while working on something) secret service agent #1: (somersaults to Dr. Cockroach, then pushes him down while talking on his watch) La cucaracha is down, secure the area. (two other agents check to make sure the area is clear until they aline) secret service agent #1: (talks on his watch) Area secured. Send in the winter baby. Hathaway: (enters) Guys, I told you I hate that code name. Dr. Cockroach: Excuse me, but could someone explain why my lower thorax is being crushed? secret service agent #1: (steps away from Dr. Cockroach) Sorry. Hathaway: Leave us. secret service agent #1: You heard winer baby, roll out. (the agents rolled away while exit the room with the door closed) Hathaway: Nobody respects my authority. (turns around) Dr. Cockroach: An odd statement Mr. President considering you are----Well, you are the president. Hathaway: (grunts) It doesn't mean what it used to. (turns to top half of his back with his head facing Dr. Cockroach) Do you know what my typical day is like? In a flashback at the Oval Office Hathaway: Listen up Mr. Speaker. It's my way or the----(loses connection with the speaker) Hello? (puts down the phone) Margaret, coffee. Margaret (in a different room) Not my job sir; get your own. Hathaway: (sees his pet dog, Ike, doing something) No Ike. (sees Ike poop on the floor) No, outside. Ike: Bark! (runs somewhere) Hathaway: Oh! Bad dog, very bad dog. Margaret! Margaret: Pick it up yourself sir. (Hathaway sighs and trips on the poop) Back in the present Hathaway: Nobody pays attention to me. Dr. Cockroach: (paused on his work and lifts his goggles) Wha, were you saying something? Hathaway: Doctor, this is a crisis. I need to ask the country to make some hard sacrifices, (goes towards Dr. Cockroach) and I'm just not authoritative enough. Give me some authority. Make people do what I say. (sucks his thumb) (Dr. Cockroach thought of a plan and giggles evilly) In the living room (Dr. Cockroach makes a creepy smile similar from before) B.O.B.: (runs to the couch) Anybody see my mePod? Can't remember where I put it in. Link: Shh, President is talking. Hathaway (in the Oval Office): (glows yellow) So my fellow Americans, today, I'm asking you to cut back on the french fries. Seriously, you really don't need them with every meal. B.O.B.: (shows the french fries on his tongue and salutes) Yes sir. Link: (salutes with B.O.B.) This is weird. Usually, the President's speech is just so boring, I----(falls asleep and then wakes up) Sorry, I fell asleep just thinking about them. Susan: I know, but this time there was something about the President like like, he excluded this this... Dr. Cockroach: Authority? Susan: Yes, exactly! I wanted to do whatever he said. (Dr. Cockroach giggles evilly he turned around his chair) Susan: Dr. C., you're laughing in an I-did-something-mad-science-y kind of way. Dr. Cockroach: (faces Susan without moving the chair) I may have helped the President a wee bit. Link: Uh-oh. Dr. Cockroach: You see, I gave him (stands up with a spray bottle) the Air of Authority. (laughs evilly) Link: The Air of Authority? Dr. Cockroach: A delicate cologne with hints of sandalwood spice and the ability to make everyone do exactly what you say. Susan: You didn't? Dr. Cockroach: I did; but worry not, Susan, the effect lasts but a few hours. Susan: (slaps herself) I swear, am I the only person around here with any sense of responsibility? B.O.B.: (juggles grenades and then drops them) What? (splatters towards a wall after the grenades explode) Susan: Nobody should have that kind of power, it's too dangerous. Dr. Cockroach: But Susan... Susan: You know I'm right. Lock that authority stuff up for good. If it fell into the wrong hands, who knows what could happen? Coverton: (in miniature form while under the table) Oh I have a few ideas. (laughs, but grows to his normal size making his head hit the table) Um, hello? In Sqweep's room (Sqweep works on something) Coverton: (enters and slams down the shrink ray) Your shrink ray stinks. (leaves the room) In Dr. Cockroach's lab at night (Dr. Cockroach is sleeping on his bed) Coverton: (seeks in from the air vent) Hush mode. Coverton's chair: (talks loudly) Activating hush mode, now! (Coverton screams) Dr. Cockroach : (starts to wake up and looks at his wall) What? Coverton: Shh. (Dr. Cockroach goes back to sleep and snores) Coverton: (floats to the carpartment, opens it, and takes out the spray bottle) At last, the Air of Authority. (tries to seek away with the bottle) In the living room B.O.B.: (appears behind Coverton after he passes a yellow carpartment) Yo, Coverton. Coverton: (gets startled a throws the bottle towards B.O.B.) Oh no, B.O.B.! B.O.B.: (glows yellow) Uh, have you seen my mePod? I plugged it in somewhere, I just can't remember where. Oh hey, check it, I'm like a firefly's butt. (laughs) Susan: (starts to wake up, enters from her room, and rubs her eyes) What's all the noise? (stops rubbing) Coverton, what are you doing here? Link: (enters from the sewers) You were up to something sneaky; (jumps near Susan) you got that sneaky look on your face, Coverton: (plays with his fingers while being nervous) Mm. Link: and your feet. (Coverton is seen playing with his toes) Link: See it? Sneaky. Dr. Cockroach: (enters the room) The Air of Authority is missing. Susan: You weaselly hover jerk. Coverton: No no no no. No, I was just doing something extremely innocent that I will think of if you give me a moment. B.O.B.: (stands in front of Coverton) Guys, based on absolutely nothing, I feel we should believe Coverton. Coverton: I----(goes in front of B.O.B.) You do? (Susan, Dr. Cockroach, and Link glow yellow on their eyes for a second and get hypnotized) Susan: Gee B.O.B., now that you say it, I think you're right. Coverton: Really? Link: Yeah. My first instinct was to launch Coverton back into space with my twin booster rockets, Sha-bing (kisses his right bicep) and Sha-bang (kisses his left bicep). But then I listened to what B.O.B. had to say and realized, "Wow, I need to learn to trust." Dr. Cockroach: B.O.B. is after all the authority on the subject of Coverton. Susan: And really, all subjects, right? Link: Oh yeah, totally. Coverton: Wait, is the Air of Authority affecting me? (sniffs B.O.B. and moves to a different side of him) B.O.B., tell us to do something. (moves close to Dr. Cockroach) B.O.B.: Okay, make funny noises. (Susan, Link, and Dr. Cockroach make funny noises) Coverton: (looks at Susan, Link, and Dr. Cockroach) Oh, fascinating. B.O.B.: You know what else is fascinating? Cake. (Susan, Link, and Dr. Cockroach talk at the same time) Link: Me likely cake. Susan: Yes! Dr. Cockroach: I'm enthralled by frost baked goods. B.O.B.: (moves closer to the others) I also like hats. Hey, wouldn't it be great if there were cake hats? (gasps and walks away) Let's go make some. (Link, Susan, and Dr. Cockroach follow B.O.B.) Link: Geinus. Coverton: Mm, not at all what I had planned, but it'll work. In the thinking tank (B.O.B., Susan, Dr. Cockroach, and Link do the conga on the table while wearing cake hats) Monger: What the ding-dong-diddly are you people doing? Susan: The conga. Monger: And just why are you wasting taxpayer dollars on cake hats and Latin dance? Link: B.O.B. told us to. B.O.B.: I did. Monger: (glows yellow on their eyes for a second and then gets hypnotized) Sounds like a fine idea to me. (joins in the conga line) (the employees cheer as they join in the conga) In Coverton's room Coverton: (talks to Coverlord while lifting a cup with his mind) I don't know why I'm not affected: my genetically superior telekinetic brain I suppose. (chuckles and drinks from the cup) Mm point is they're all listening to the idiot, and the idiot listens to me. I can't think of a better opportunity to bring Earth to its knees. (chuckles and spills the brown, hot drink on him causing him to scream and fall off his chair) Coverton down! In the thinking tank (every employee including Sqweep, Sta'abi, and her vornicarn wear cake hats) Sta'abi and Monger: Hug. Sta'abi: Come on, bring it in. (Sta'abi and Link hug each other while Monger carries Sqweep to hug it while Sqweep hugs him) Sta'abi, Link, Monger, and Sqweep: Hug. B.O.B.: I love hug time. (random employees are seen hugging each other) Susan: (walks to B.O.B. with a portrait) B.O.B., check it out. (shows the portrait to B.O.B.) I painted a flower just like you said. B.O.B.: Susan, that's nice. I want to acknowledge the effort, but (gets a paint can and flowers) when I said you should paint flowers, (takes out a paint brush and throws it away) I meant you should paint flowers. (puts the flowers in the painting can and takes it out) See? Coverton: (appears in the room) And now, Coverton strikes. Henry: (goes to Coverton) Here's a hug. (hugs Coverton) Coverton: (screams, pushes down Henry with the chair) Say, B.O.B. You know what goes great with cake? Ice cream. Might I suggest an ice cream social in the mess hall? B.O.B.: Hm, I mean, (goes through Coverton which has the hat fall to Coverton) yeah, the whole ice cream social thing is kind of old-timey, but (goes through Coverton which has the hat go back on him) let me put my special B.O.B. spin on this. (talks through the security monitor in the hallway) Hey everybody, B.O.B. here. Meet at the mess hall at oh-right-now-hundred hours for a fish and sour cream special. all the employees (including the ones in the hallway): Yay! (runs to the mess hall) B.O.B.: You coming buddy? Coverton: I'll be along momentarily, buddy. (B.O.B. leaves the room) Coverton: (goes to the controls) Sometimes it's just too easy. (flexes his knuckles) And now, for my favorite tune, Power Core Meltdown. (presses random buttons using his feet) Ah ha! In the mess hall (everyone starts eating fish and sour cream) alarm: (blares) Warning: power core has become unstable. T-minus ten minutes to catastrophic implosion. Dr. Cockroach: That could burn a hole right through the Earth's crust. Sqweep: And destroy all life on your planet. Susan: (stands up) What should we do B.O.B.? (everyone looks at B.O.B.) B.O.B.: I say, we pretend it's not happening and hope it goes away. all employees: Yay! (Coverton spies on the employees and backs away) In Coverton's room alarm: T-minus eight minutes to catastrophic implosion. Coverton: (enters) Not for Coverton. (pushes down a switch to reveal an escape pod) Buh-bye Earth. (laughs evilly and gets in the pod) Escape pod activate. Initiate launch sequence. Oh and for my in-flight meal, let's go with goblet of blatoxinal juice and seared gurgle beast. (grunts) escape pod: (turns the lights off) Unable to comply. Coverton: What, is the gurgle beast not fresh? escape pod: No power. Shutting down. (shuts down) Coverton: (gets out of the pod and follows the plug) How can it not have power? I always keep it plugged in. (finds the plug and reads the note written B.O.B.) Charging mePod. Do not un-ploog. B.O.B.! alarm: Warning: t-minus seven minutes to catastrophic implosion. Ah! (floats to the thinking think) In the thinking tank Coverton: (screams while pressing random buttons simultaneously) Floog-nog, it's not working. Someone is going to have to actually go into the core and re-route the power coils. And that someone has to be... In the mess hall Coverton: (begs to Dr. Cockroach) Dr. Cockroach, you must save us. Dr. Cockroach: Sorry, B.O.B. told me to pretend it's not happening (takes a layer off the cake hat) and hope it goes away: (eats the layer he grabbed off) a most sensible plan. Coverton: (goes to Link) You, pre-historic fish-man, surely you'll save us. Link: Who am I going to listen to: my authorize blue bud or you? Dude, you're not even wearing a cake hat. Coverton: (goes to B.O.B. and begs him) B.O.B., please, I beg you, (takes B.O.B.'s eye) tell them to fix the power core. B.O.B.: (puts his arm around Coverton) Coverton, buddy, you look tense. (gives Coverton a bowl of fish and sour cream) Dig in. Coverton: (takes the bowl) Mm, it does look rather tasty----(throws the bowl) No, must save Coverton! (cries) Near the power core (Coverton comes with spare bulbs) alarm: T-minus four minutes to catastrophic implosion. Coverton: Oh, that doesn't look fun at all. (presses the enterance button with his feet) Oh. (touches a brunt bulb with his feet and grunts) alarm: T-minus three minutes to catastrophic implosion. Coverton: (grunts while twisting a burnt bulb; screams in pain after loosing the bulb all the way) It burns! In the thinking tank B.O.B.: (hangs upside down) Here's a thought I had. (falls with his eye below his mouth and talks in a high-pitched voice) What if we all talked like this? Link: (talks in a high-pitched voice) Well that's a good idea B.O.B. (coughs, glows his eyes yellow and becomes disillusioned with the people that were hypnotized, and talks in a normal voice) I can't do it. Don't hate everybody, but seems kinda dumb. No offense B.O.B. B.O.B.: (seen not glowing yellow) Oh none taken. Susan: Alright, (takes off her cake hat) since we're speaking our minds, (drops her cake hat) I've been getting crumbs in my hair all day (scratches her head) and it's starting to me crazy. B.O.B.: Guys, well why didn't you say so before? Dr. Cockroach: Well, you seem so authoritative and----(gasp) It was the Air of Authority. Thank goodness the effects are only temporary. Monger: (goes over to Dr. Cockroach) The Air o' what now? (grabs Dr. Cockroach) Doctor, was I prancing and hugging and (points at his hat) wearing a dumb cake on my noggin 'cause of some lame-brain invention of yours? Dr. Cockroach: Well I don't know if you'd call a high-end fragrance an invention, but... alarm: Warning: t-minus one minute to catastrophic implosion. Dr. Cockroach: This is not our top concern at the moment. Someone needs to get into the core and re-route... Link: (watches Coverton through a secure monitor) Never mind. Coverton (in the power core): (puts a replacement bulb in) My toes, my precious toes. (starts to get another replacement bulb) Link: Someone's already doing it. Near the power core (Coverton puts in replacement bulbs in the core as the alarm does the countdown) alarm: Catastrophic implosion in five, four, three, two... (Coverton puts in the last replacement bulb which re-routes the power core) alarm : Catastrophic implosion adverted. Coverton: (comes out of the core with a burnt skin) So tender; so very, very raw. (falls off his chair) (Susan, Dr. Cockroach, B.O.B., and Link enter the room) Link, B.O.B., and Dr. Cockroach: Coverton! (Link puts Coverton on his chair) Susan: Alright! Link: All this time, I thought you wanted to destroy the Earth, and here you are saving it. Way (slaps Coverton hard) to go. B.O.B.: Up high alien guy. (face palms Coverton's forehead) Dr. Cockroach: (rubs Coverton's head) Well done sir. Susan: Alright! (touches Coverton's head) (Coverton screams and groans after feeling pain) Category:Scripts